A fearless love of life

The most beloved compliment I've ever received was from my brother, John. He told me that he admired my "fearless love of life."

It has always stuck with me, perhaps because I've never seen myself as particularly fearless. (By the way, see my companion post from a few years back starting with this same compliment.)

Recently, a colleague of mine introduced me to a podcast called Invisibilia. It is produced by NPR and focuses on the invisible forces that shape our lives. The particular episode I listened to this evening was on the topic of fear. 

Not to overshare about the episode, because it is definitely worth a listen, but they come to the semi-scientific conclusion that people who are biologically more fearful are less likely to be involved in fear-inducing situations, yet see those fewer experiences as very traumatic. Conversely, people who are less fearful are less traumatized by the more frequent number of fear-inducing situations they experience.

That was the moment I became hooked; when they posed the question (after thoughtful, thorough and entertaining examples) of whether it is better to be fearful or fearless. 

I have always loved that one (and maybe all) of my big brothers saw me as being fearless. It was a badge I wore with pride once I was made aware of it -- and it was something that fueled me past my comfort zone when jumping out of an airplane, among other risky bets.

Perhaps I am biologically built to take on 'scarier' experiences with greater grace than the average Jo(sie). Though I was then made to question that supposition as I listened to the podcast explain that most fears are learned rather than inherited. For instance, kids are not instinctually afraid of snakes. The narrators take a fairly long byway on the snake topic but it's worth hearing the SNL-esque "Snake in a sock" sound effect, and the thought-provoking idea that snakes are "sailing around on currents of our fear" based on skydive sweat tests. 

Anyway, after the snake-subject meandering, I wasn't quite as confident that I was just naturally fearless. People can learn to conquer their fears. Which, I suppose doesn't negate that you might be born more, or less fearless than the next person.

But the really, really, really interesting part to me was when the podcast concluded. 

I sat in reflection and recognized how happy I was to have had my insight horizons broadened by this 60-minute podcast. Because I've given up pop music in favor of Christian music for Lent, the song that started playing in my mind was, "...Blest be the Lord, Blest be the Lord. The God of mercy, the God who saves."

And then I literally chuckled out loud when my inner speaker continued to the next line: "I shall not fear the dark of night, nor the arrow that flies by day."

Maybe my fearlessness is a bit natural, a bit learned, and a lot intentional blessing for the purpose God has in mind.

Reflections from Wisdom 2.0 - Day 3

The final day of the conference, or just the start of a new chapter?

There was a lot of meditation today. And thus, a lot of progress, a lot of momentum, a lot of motivation -- all through an act of stillness. It still boggles the mind; until you boggle the stillness. Yeah, I don't know what that means either but you heard it here first, folks.

I started the day with a movement class held by a famed choreographer. We essentially rolled around on the ground while chanting "Buhmmmm" and "Bahmmmmm." I'm not sure there was any mystic tradition associated with it but I can't deny that letting myself be free enough to do so along with 20 other spirited individuals did make me feel like I was 'game on' for whatever else the day held. I retired to my room and typed several pages on an analogy of the mind/body/heart being like a glass container of liquid and the soul/God/observer as a particle floating in the liquid of our mind chatter / body sensations / heart feelings. I need to polish it a bit, but I'll share it eventually.

Chade Meng Tang, the Jolly Good Fellow of Google and author of "Search Inside Yourself" and one of my primary reasons for attending the conference was doing a breakout session with Buddhist PhD, Shinzen Young. The topic: Science and Meditation. They are both self-purported geeks and they weren't kidding. While I could 'surf' with most of their waves, I definitely felt out of my depths. But intrigued and interested in learning more about their mutual goal to democratize enlightenment in our lifetime.

Next was a hosted table conversation on the practice of Qigong. I have always been curious about Tai Chi and although I didn't (and still don't) know if Tai Chi has any relation to Qigong, I was compelled to attend. Master Mingtong Gu introduced a brief overview on the core purpose of Qigong and then guided us in a physical practice. But that's just it, it's not a physical practice. Well, it is. Wait. As best I understand from his primer and the reading materials provided, Qigong is a martial arts practice that uses sound, breath and visualization to work with energy. So when we did the 'physical' practice it was a practice that used our physical body to elicit sound vibrations which awoke and opened our emotional fascia to allow us to present loving kindness to the new cavities. Yeah, I know, a little woo-woo. But I loved it. And I am hooked on learning more.

The afternoon concluded with back-to-back (by my choice) meditation sittings with renowned teacher Sharon Salzberg. Following the second sitting she shared stories about her long history with meditation. She spoke of how people would reject the practice saying 'their' meditation was swimming or hiking or listening to music. While she didn't begrudge them those acts, she encouraged them to also learn how to meditate by focusing on the breath. Because when you find yourself in a stressful work environment and about to say something you'll regret to a co-worker across the conference room table, you can't very well jump in a pool or put on headphones. By returning to the breath, we return to the body, we return to the moment, we return to our priorities and we return to our values, making us much more likely to behave or react in a way that is beneficial. The three skills she associates with meditation are 1) Concentration (de-fragmenting and creating focus) 2) Mindfulness (fostering an unbiased perception of the present) and 3) Compassion (the ability to evaluate a situation with loving kindness, like a freeze frame capturing the good history along with the bad rather than a hyper focus on one or the other).

The closing comments from the conference were a call to take our knowledge out to the world; share the wisdom 2.0! I made several commitments to myself on how to do this, one being to return to my non-attended, though not-forgotten blog and put these 'thinks' out into the world for others.

Reflections from Wisdom 2.0 - Day 2

Day 2 of Wisdom 2.0 was extraordinary and featured an impressive lineup of speakers such as Arianna Huffington and Alanis Morissette. One of the early sessions was a talk from 'Search Inside Yourself' Googlers: Chade Meng-Tan, Bill Duane and Karen May. As they began their introductions, three young women walked onstage displaying a banner for SF Eviction. In true make-a-stand style, one of the women pulled out a bullhorn and muddled "SF is not for sale!" to an audience unsure whether this was an act of performance art or an actual protest. It became clear it was the latter when stagehands started ushering them aside. One woman held tightly to her banner and began a tug-of-war, though her smile betrayed the glee of being able to create a scene was more than her pride of passion for her cause. The action subsided and brilliantly, the Googlers encouraged the audience to take a beat, practice mindfulness and check in to explore our own reactions to conflict. What happens biochemically; is our heart beating faster? When confronted with people who have a strong opinion, do we meet it with judgement or with compassion? To me, it was an excellent example of mindfulness in action. Well, I suppose it was actually mindfulness post-action but still that's something.

Alanis Morissette spoke eloquently about the difference in quality of expressing herself on a stage to an audience versus a more intimate one-on-one interaction. There was a parallel to the way many people post or tweet their point of view, feelings, etc. to a digital audience and how that differs from traditional, interpersonal connections. She was joined by author and psychiatrist, Dan Siegel. They explored the spectrum of digital tools as an addiction (people check their devices incessantly to get a 'hit' of dopamine) versus digital tools as an obsession (people check their devices incessantly to keep anxiety at bay). The main takeaway is that digital tools are neutral entities that serve a purpose (just like food, exercise, material possessions, etc.) and it's in how and why we use those tools that creates dysfunction. For instance, a text message can be used to stave off intimacy, or to foster it.

The chock-full day of mindfulness concluded with a meditation lecture and Q&A with spiritual sage, Eckhart Tolle. Most of what he shared was like a bubbling stream of semi-connected, ultra-intellectual thoughts dispersed between animated facial gestures and caricature-like expressions. What stuck with me was his urge for people to live in the present. All we have is now. And now. And now, again. We distort our experience of the present because we see it through the clouds of old story lines and unhelpful mind chatter. When we can be aware of the present, appreciate the present, shift the balance of focus from mind to body then we can actually experience the presence of the present. He also conjectures that amateurs may encounter challenges if they try to establish the practice of mindfulness initially among drama-creating friends, button-pushing family members or frustrating co-workers, instead he suggests we should start with beings that have less likelihood to stir up stories and chatter. Like trees. Eventually perhaps move to dogs -- which Eckhart says humans love not because they are cute and fuzzy but because they are pure consciousness. So. Tree. Dogs. Then, maybe, humans.

Reflections from Wisdom 2.0 - Day 1

Today, I had the privilege of attending the Wisdom 2.0 conference (an off-shoot of the Google UnConference series). There were about 2,000 attendees from around the globe. The founder spoke of his vision to have technology-makers mingle with wisdom teachers because he recognized that our tech advances have given us devices that inundate us with knowledge and data but not necessarily wisdom. He wondered how we can ensure our uber-connected world also includes the contact required to remain human. The conference topic: How can we live with Wisdom, Awareness and Compassion in the Digital Age?

Many of the progressive Silicon Valley heavy-hitters were present and presenting. Arturo Bejar, Director of Engineering at Facebook shared a personal story of how attending a previous Wisdom gathering had helped create the conditions to meet individuals that furthered a sort of compassion quotient for Facebook users when flagging inappropriate materials. The changes they made based on insights gleaned from wise conversations made their effectiveness jump by 40 percentage points. The heads of Learning for Google, Twitter and LinkedIn led a Q&A panel discussion on how they help to create the space for mindful learning in their tech organizations.

Scientist, Dr. Larry Rosen has been studying how technology affects the brain. It is no surprise that multi-tasking and constant device-checking is impairing our brain function. He offered some simple, practical tips to help create balance. During periods of heavy concentration (such as studying or strategic planning), he suggests we should allow ourselves one-minute technology breaks every 15 minutes. In other words, check your device for 60 seconds and then place it face down and to the side of your work for the next 15 minutes. Gradually extend to 30 minutes. This avoids triggering the anxiety responses in the brain and allows our focus to rule.

Dr. Rosen also suggests 'resetting' the brain throughout the day. While it used to be common for employees to take a smoke break, he encourages them now to take a brain break. Every 90 - 120 minutes, simply take 5-10 minutes rest to essentially reset the brain's chemistry. This can be done through meditation, focused breathing, light exercising, laughing, practicing a new language, playing an instrument or many other activities. Finally, simply being aware of what technology distractions are most disruptive to you personally and consciously choosing when to engage with them can make an enormous difference. Bottom line: the more technology and interactions we have, the more we need to take brain breaks and tune into our own consciousness.

Mindfulness guru, Jon Kabat-Zinn led a guided meditation. It would be impossible to capture the beauty of that moment so instead what follows are a few of his most lovely quotes from a quick web search.

"The motivation for doing meditation is to not miss your life."

"You can't stop the waves but you can learn to surf."

“Maybe the fear is that we are less than we think we are, when the actuality of it is that we are much much more.”

“From the perspective of meditation, every state is a special state, every moment a special moment.”

Shushing Your Comfort Zone Sirens

The best compliment I ever received was that I had, “a fearless love of life.” It really stuck with me – probably because I didn’t see myself through that lens. I saw myself as just knocking on doors and opening them. At the time I had just broken up with my partner of 5 years, taken a leave of absence from work and planned a 3-month trip to Italy and Spain, solo. In hindsight, that does seem pretty fearless.

I suppose I’ve always been willing to let the boldness of an idea suppress the terror of actually carrying it out. Within the last year I decided to return to my home state in the Midwest. I had a very understanding management team at work that was willing to let me work remotely, but I first had the audacity to ask.

More recently, I’ve taken up roller derby. I had some friends who participated and finally one day told my inner doubter to just be quiet, show up to the beginner practice night and see what happens. Well, of course, I loved it.

It’s not unlike when I saw a flier to become a certified Yoga teacher. I had practiced yoga and enjoyed it, and with a bit of spare weekend time on my hands decided it was worth the 200-hour investment. I remember being so nervous for the first weekend, which was being held as a retreat. My soon-to-be peers were exchanging emails planning a potluck. There were vegan suggestions and gluten allergies and sensitivities to soy. One gal even had her own chickens and was going to bring a quiche made from said chicken’s eggs. Never had I felt so foolish – what on earth was I getting myself into? Thankfully, I gathered my courage and organic sparkling lemonade and showed up to the retreat. I made lifelong friends through the retreat and later yoga certification classes. All because I didn’t let that moment of “What the heck am I doing?” fear win.

Does your comfort zone serve a purpose? Of course, and it absolutely warrants attention when you’re not in a safe situation. But I’m willing to bet most of us hear our comfort zone sirens most frequently in situations that make us unsure or insecure. And in those situations, I’m a firm believer of saying, “Thanks for the cautionary advice, but I’m going to go ahead and see what happens.”